A Brief History Of The Skateboarder :: Amazing feats of skateboard history, Biblical Tales of the Skatepope Brewce Martin, and more!
50,000,000 BCE. – The first swamp troggs emerge out of the ocean.
5,000 BCE. – Egyptian Punks perform the first Acid Drop off the Pyramids.
1,200 BCE. – Greek Skateboarders invent Greek Fire to ignite rings of fire to ollie through.
1492 CE. – Skateboarders were kicked off Columbus’s Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria from using the ship’s hall for ramp construction.
1965 CE. – Brewce Martin fought his way out of his mother’s womb with a dagger in his mouth and a map of Europe.
1967-1969ish CE. – Brewce Martin sees Star Trek and imagines another world for skateboarders. Also, he starts to immitate James T. Kirk.
1974 CE. – Brewce Martin’s first time skateboarding on a borrowed board. After which many attempts of home made stump boards were made.
1977 CE. – Brewce Martin won his first skateboard from the Parkersburg Newspaper. Using his superior engineering skills, he began building the original Skatopia in his basement with closet doors, particle board, linoleum, and other odds and ends.
1978 CE. – Brewce gets his first wooden skateboard, a Logan Earth Ski, which is recovered in 1990 at a garage sale and begins the skateboard museum.
1979 CE. – Brewce’s first outdoor quarter pipe was constructed. It was 4 feet wide, 8 feet tall. In another feat of sheer will, young Martin jumps 11 trashcans approximately 2 feet in diameter each.
1980 CE. – Brewce moved to the country for such refineries as clean air, fine women, clear moonshine, and home brew beer… And to escape the justice system.
1980-1988 CE. – 2nd Phase of Skatopia: 1 Quarter Pipe, 2 Half Pipes, hundreds of kegs, and numerous inane parties at mom’s house!
1988 CE. – Brewce traded in the quiet life when he moved to Florida. His dreams of Skatopia were forgotten for Hot chicks, High Profile Skateboarding, and Designer drugs.
1993 CE. – Kicked out of Florida. Fuck them. Moved to West Virginia to start Phase three of Skatopia. What happened in the next 2 years, only a few know about and no one is telling.
1995 CE. :: Oct. 20th – Evicted from West Virginia for being too cool in a non-cool environment. Fuck them too.
:: Oct. 27th – Mass skateboard exodus from West Virginia, (Skatopia’s Phase 3) led by the Skatepope Brewce Martin.
:: Nov. 1st – Viewed land where Skatopia currently resides.
:: Nov. 17th – Bought Skatopia a former potfarm and poverty ridden cattle farm.
1996 CE. :: June 1st – Epcot Bean Completed. First Bowl Bash complete with sorority girls, mud, and Pabst Blue Ribbon. This officially kicks off the final phase of the Skatopia dream that every child has.
1997 CE. – Began reconstruction of the King Dong Ramp. Began clearing the land and planting the path of the future skateboard monument and parties. JFA plays Bowl Bash 2 and Jodi Foster shows up.
1998 CE. – King Dong Ramp completed. Word spreads Skatopia is the place to go and the cops go there.
1999 CE. – Many expansions in the Barn for stages, and areas for bands, parking areas expanded. More and more bands sign up for play time. Brewce’s reputation for being the Skatepope grows.
2000 CE. – Real TV comes to Skatopia. The dawning of the corporate caveman begins. He unfurls his reign of terror throughout the televised world. Soon after BAM becomes a super hero and the corporate caveman becomes hidden among the BAM posters, preholed condoms, and other branded items.
2001 CE. – Bowl bash 6 brings huge media coverage. Thrusting Skatopia into the lime light as skateboading’s mecca. The indoor bowl was covered with skatelight and more expansions are done around the barn.
2002 CE. – The full pipe is complete for Bowl Bash 7 – The Skatopia Jihad is officially launched. As the goals of the jihad are met one by one, skaters around the world rejoice and flock to skatopia for pilgrimage.
2003 CE. :: June – Bowl Bash 8, witnesses the unfurling of the indoor concrete kidney bowl. With a natural spring running through it that makes a better bath tub than a pool. However, recent improvements have made the pool skatable on a more regular basis.
2004 CE. :: Feburary – Viva La Bam comes to Skatopia which reverberates through the grinding hips of every female that comes to Skatopia for the next 10 years.
:: Summer – Lula bowl is completed. Thus begining the 1 mile snake run that will end at Brewce’s bedroom.
:: October – Activision includes Skatopia as a level on the THUG2 video game which reverberates through the tiddling fingers and thumbs of every child that comes to skatopia for the next 10 years.
2005 CE. :: Spring – Skatopia starts the Hillbilly Dream Tour leaving patches of scorched earth across the USA.
:: Summer – Bowl Bash X celebrating ten years of anarchy & The Tennessee Beast wins the striptease contest.
:: Fall – Skatopia launches its own shoeline under Draven Shoes.
2006 CE. :: Brewce spent some time in jail, Skatopia the Movie Started filming.
2007 CE. ::
2008 CE. :: Rolling Stone, Slap Magazine, The Dream Tour Limo was Burnt, Team Indy was renamed Team Let Down
2009 CE. :: Largest Bowl Bash to date ~3,000 people, and 88 bands. Brewce is injured and sent to the hospital. Skatopia the Movie premieres at Tribecca Cinemas.
2010 CE. :: American Skatefest, and we learn from our mistakes. Bowl Bash reaches 15 years. Signs a deal with MTV for a series.
2011 CE. :: MTV True Life, “I’m going to Skatopia” airs. Fuck them. Skatopia the Movie goes to DVD. Bones releases a Skatopia Wheel.